Buddy is 7 now.
They say a dog’s [[Sakura]] moment happens by 5.
Has Buddy’s best years passed by?
The first five years stood out, for sure.
I still remember his first outdoor walk, his first car ride and his first outing to the beach.

And before I got a dog. Before the biases & self-affirmations I developed after getting one.
I did consider dogs above 5 old.
So odds are, he’s old.

I remember my throat tightening when he turned four.
Was it anxiety for the future? Regrets? Frustration?
Or despair for not having his age under my control?
I can’t name the feeling. I only remember feeling bad.
And that I deserved it.
Also, that I did nothing.

It was not his Sakura moment, I created that outcome.
Stuck with walking in the same places. Stuck with performing the same tricks.
The same hide & seek. The same high five.
The same life.
And I did nothing.

One day, a dog of his own kind bit Buddy.
Ever since, he’d at any male dogs we’d enounter.
Did his resentment meter go over 9000?
I did nothing.
Let’s ignore the dragon by avoiding interaction with all dogs.
Only interactions with humans, whom he loved.
I found it funny as he began resembling me, only vice-versa.

Other recalling than the repetitive resort rooms, I recall one hike.
That one hike which went wrong.
City dogs are no different than city dwellers.
They are terrible at adjusting to the nature.
The harsh weather & terrains. The abundant animals & insects.
Never again.

We visted a farmhouse.
The experience was riddled with power outages and cows.
Lots of cows.
I stopped taking him anywhere with animals.

My throat continued to feel tight. Nothing helped.
Doing nothing wasn’t helping.

I began taking him to new places
He barked at dogs who barked. I barked at humans who barked.
Now we both choose to ignore them.
And focus on what’s important.
For him that’s sniffing.
And for me, it’s dreaming.

I thought I’d never see him off-leash.
Him sniffing around & wagging his tail, with me standing far away.
And him coming back at my recall.
I saw it! Thanks to a friend.
And some mistakes.
It’s amazing how many wonders in my life arose from mistakes.
I should make more of these ‘mistakes’.
Or is it just that Life is random?
That outcomes are independent of action?

He spent his whole life in the same neighborhood. Never exploring new places more than a couple odd days.
So we tried living at my granny’s place.
I saw him enjoying the new environment,
having so many new lamp posts to pee on.
He made many friends, so did I.

He gave me countless chances to apply the [[lifespan controller]].
He lengthened my lifespan.
Did I do the same for him?

My throat isn’t as tight.
So maybe I’m heading for the light?

If you’re interested on the story behind writing this.

Previous Post
How to deal with feeling paralysed
Next Post
Trying to follow writing advice from an INTJ